Cerebral – Finding a place for my thoughts and words

This is my Place to share my Heart my mind and my Life without boundries

Tonight — November 20, 2012

Tonight

Tonight I feel as if the road ahead has no end.  I am walking this road alone  (In my dream) it just doesn’t seem to end.  My body is weary and my heart hurting. God I am reaching for you.  Will you please send me a rainbow to let me know this is not for nothing, for I feel I have lost more than I have gained.  In every instance there is a moment of uneasiness.  I am at the crossroad of understanding the unending pain and using me for the greater good and heartache.  Sometimes Angels and surprises visits are all that keep you moving.

Blessings ~ Jenn

PRacticing the Presence of Jesus – Wally Armstrong – Review of a great book — October 30, 2012

PRacticing the Presence of Jesus – Wally Armstrong – Review of a great book

Wally takes on a journey from the guy who committed to Christ but did not have a friendship a relationship.  Wally takes us through this book as people from every walk of life a every set of circumstances.  Everyone meets Jesus in their own way.  Those who believe in God, yet don’t seek his relationship are lost and still searching or have not meet Wally yet. Wally lets every reader know that God is a Friend that is their to answer the phone at 3am to hold your hand as you are on your knees weeping.  He is also a god who shops with you while your picking out milk.  There is one God, Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit.  That being known we are all made in His image and not one of us look exactly the same.  That is the tone of the book and a wonderful preview for how we should all seek out the word of the father.  Jesus might come to me over a cup of coffee, yet come to you on a Lear jet flying cross-country for an investment meeting.  It is not the who or the what, it is the meeting you where you are.  When we realize that Christ will meet us where we are then we can take that step and lean into Him for guidance, love all things you. When you realize He is with you in the kitchen, conference room, golf course or even church, you can then start the conversation: Hi Jesus, it’s me, I just wanted to talk about my heart feeling about taking this job.  We will all be met in the place intended for God is not a one size fits all – how could he be with the beauty he created in us.

Book Description: Wally Armstrong takes the concept of Jesus being so real you could sit on a couch with Him and have a meaningful fully vested conversation with him.  Society today does not allow for people to realize God is just a Friend, waiting for you to reach out, start the conversation.  In “Practicing the presence of Jesus” Wally gives each of us a way an approach to creating the same amazing unique experience he has had, and the easy way to forage a relationship so real that you not only feel but you know He is sitting on the couch next to you.

I would and have recommended this book to many who still see God as a person we honor only.  It is amazing to see the eyes of those who have that first taste f friendship.

Link to purchase the book on Amazonhttp://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Presence-Jesus-Wally-Armstrong/dp/1609367022/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351601299&sr=8-1&keywords=wally+armstrong

 Disclosure: I was given a complimentary copy of this book by Litfuse Publicity Group as a part of their blog tour in exchange for a review with true fact and statements . @litfuse 

 

Book Review Preview: Wally Armstrong – Practicing the Presence of Jesus – Expereriencne the Gift of His Friendship — October 16, 2012

Book Review Preview: Wally Armstrong – Practicing the Presence of Jesus – Expereriencne the Gift of His Friendship

I being asked to do a review on this book: practicing the presence. of Jesus. Experience the gift of His Friendship From the forward by Ken Blanchard on, something inside stirred. I found this not  a personal improvement book nor a Strong hold I will make you a believer novelette. Rather in fine form this is a well pictured piece of the vine placed on paper so those untouched by the branches will feel the power one chapter can give and as I  dive in. I find personal Experiences funny. They question you placement in a spatial relationship to an experience, they ask without words if you are knowledgeable enough to speak to that experience, finally even probe the sentiment does anyone cares about your opinion when it relates to an experience. Harsh but ever so true.

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Here is a a small taste~a quote before the contents to give you a taste of the

translucent yet vibrant review to come:

Thanks be to Thee, my Lord Jesus Christ,

for all the benefits Thou hast given me,

for all the pains and insults

which Thou hast borne for me.

O Most merciful Redeemer, Friend and Brother,

may I know Thee more clearly,

love Thee more dearly,

follow Thee more nearly,

day by day.

Amen.

-ST. RICHARD OF CHICHESTER

I hope you are as excited as I am for the upcoming review. This book has given me wise on-site, strong reproach to daily failures and triumphs. I will take great pleasure in reviewing this beautiful book.

Blessings ~Jenn

Surviving Beyond The Police Do Not Cross Line — October 12, 2012

Surviving Beyond The Police Do Not Cross Line

English: An image of Psalm 23 (King James' Ver...
English: An image of Psalm 23 (King James’ Version), frontispiece to the 1880 omnibus printing of The Sunday at Home. Scanned at 800 dpi. Français : Illustration du Psaume 23 (version autorisée par le roi Jacques), en frontispice de l’édition omnibus du Sunday at home. Version numérisée à 800 dpi. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

Today I believe the image of the police line do not cross is very raw. It feels honest and true. I cannot pinpoint the time or place, where survival turned into a primal need for me. I feel I need to find a place where you don’t have to survive, to exist. The need to carry out emotion for anyone is gone.

 

I am so very sincere when I say, before the incident all I wanted was to enjoy this life,laugh, cry.  I even was to emotional sometimes, but in a weird type of reverse affirmation, I would do anything – you don’t want to know the things and likes I went to make people happy.  “When you can so readily overlook your own wickedness, why are you more clear-sighted than the eagle or serpent of Epidaurus, in spying out the failings of your friends?” I gave somebody my car. I paid rent for people.  Deep down the desire to have someone (God )fill my void manifested by me trying to make sure everyone around me had everything they needed. Even in work, stay up late, try to do the best of the best.  I know this is not what God ever desired. I fell into a circle of affirmation do for you affirmation do for you. I don’t want affirmation, I just want the small group of people who really know me to Love me for being Jenn Quirky as I am. Wanting everyone around me happy is not an obtainable goal nor rational.  It is just the fragments of space left over from the cycle of giving I lived in for so long.

 

I am now seeking God to offer the happiness that is the vail of happiness I think will disappear. So will exploring my cycle of happiness with God accomplish a calm within me. Or change my character to one that finds happiness by serving Him in all things and rejoicing in the happiness that manifest and seeps deep into the part of my soul the Holy Spirit Dwells? I know the answer for the moment I met the Holy spirit my heart changed and so did I.  Forever I want a disciple to be, as my calling. I sometimes say I was a liking to Paul throwing stones at God only to fall at his feet weeping for days.So I asked myself?

 

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3. I have the plank of illness, but no-one can pull it out of my eyes. I am working on reading scripture to myself until the plank becomes a sliver and that sliver I remove with grace. Sometimes I feel I have a lost family I reach out yet they are in a world of calm and understanding. they see not the pain that one can experience or the exhaustion that has no meaning at all.  I find their love pure and true, they have just been lost in the desert many years. God please give me the understanding and perseverance to have the strength to pray for their eyes to see even at my own sufferage.- this hurts the most – “mom did you get my 3 calls and 4 emails?  all about different important things. even today a sister can drink the nectar of those who know of your love but are not dwelling in the pool of utopia. Pain they say is just in your head wondering a path that has many diverse roads, each will take you to a place, the road signs are all but lost.  If I find the road to the flame, perhaps this scripture will will help put out the flames

 

Psalm 32:3-6 The Message

 

When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans.

 

The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.

 

Then I let it all out;
I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.”

 

Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.

 

These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we’ll be on high ground, untouched.

 

Then I turn to the pain that are so strong the burning and electricity in my hurt so bad in my hips or legs what then will I do. I must turn to the lord – I Listened as I was reading  the Bible tells us of light and of dark, but never anything but the truth.  I believed my pain would find an end through Psalm 77:1-2  not what you would think but it rested my soul.

 

1 I cried out to God for help;

 

   I cried out to God to hear me.

 

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord

 

    at night I stretched out untiring hands,

 

    and I would not be comforted.

 

     God He is the only one who can hear me – He will hold me tight all will come to fruition.

 

God – The reason I am able to overcome obstacles and yet, the closer I come to him the serpent in all his glory – He has glory for he is able to turn those bound for Christ to him (So Sad). Today was a day I needed God to carry me on his shoulders, rather I needed Him to carry me in His arms.  I kept tripping falling over and over, the same obstacle the same plank in my eye.  For as much as I thought I will survive this I am stronger than any pain.  Pain is not real just a system of nerve responses to stimuli that attack from the world around us.  I wanted a shower, I wanted to take my husband on a mini date –  go get a little snack from the store then watch NCIS together.  This was my surprise. I put the wheelchair in the corner folded up and forgotten – I need you know more, my children had their dinner and a movie to watch.  I said give me a few minutes and I’ll come sit with you.  Two minutes into the shower my daughter wants to know if she can help me because Dad called he’s on his way home and the sweet girl she was she let dad know I was upstairs on my own – the #1 no-no for Jenn.  No more passing out.  No more hurting myself. I claimed a pacifist  yet there are moments I want to shave my head and punch my face in.

 

 

So that’s my story Go let the serpent play with me today as Job, to see if I would hold strong to Him and overcome this adversity.  So what do I do I take it out on everyone and everything I can see for at least and hour.  I became that vision of a person I had put in a box and promised never to let out.

 

The only way to overcome the feeling of loneliness, separated from your family, separated from your God.  IS GOD

 

The only way to find a door out of the screaming in your head and the will of perfection is GOD, Your Heavenly Father – The Holy Almighty!, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Yahweh! and knower of all things great and small! I want to run God let’s satan give us that notion. If we are old enough to have children we know no matter where you go your problems follow. Hard Lesson but oh so true! –

 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 (NIV)

 

It is time to reach for the word renewed inch by inch – fall down get up not by the Father, I must surrender completely, repetitively . Get back in the machine, persevere until they find the reason for your neurological pain.  God’s timing is not mine!!!! God I don’t understand but forgive, Love you for your timing it always brings Glory!  He will in His time make me the Beauty he wants me! For His Glory this is me, Broken, but steadfast!! Therefore let my mind be cleansed as with ethanol to a wound keep it from fearing the just the intimacy forgotten – Satan has been Rebuked from my soul~Amen

 

God please use me to share your word with as many people as possible so that I may carry out what you set out for me to do in this condition.  For all the people lifting me up, Thank you is not enough. You are the true disciples of our Father

 

 

Yahweh! Please  send me words of encouragement, come, come I will serve you tea, I will wash your feet, for I am no better than our Father.  I Know I need two or more gathered together so our God will be with us and in us as we pray.

 

May God Carry me – Bessings~Jenn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to get back to the basics – I was looking for God — October 8, 2012

Time to get back to the basics – I was looking for God

 

When we returned from New York,  we had so much painful stress having to decide about what the results meant, to us our family.  I had to decide do I move forward or just curl up in the space between knowledge and knowledge and stay there. I like to hide their sometimes. I am getting closer to that spot as I travel down this path, if we can call traveling down this path one of healing.  I am struggling yet surviving each day.  I get up, that is a accomplishment! We my family and I are on the constant effort of searching for my prime, my fullness. Thank you!

I loved being witty. It is something that could be used to express what I am and who I am. Or it used to be. That euphemism has dwindled as, progressions of the neurological question mark  in my life has developed, more aptly grown!  I am seeking further treatment for the progression and the source.  Such as applying to a neurological study at John Hopkins.  We are on the new path as I am not a surgical candidate. I do not have Chiari and my Syringomyelia is not of a surgical nature.

The Dr. in New York after releasing the “NOT FIXABLE HERE”,   he used the terms transverse myelitis ( is a neurological disorder caused by aninflammatory process of the grey and white matter of the spinal cord, and can cause axonal demyelination.) he also used the terms:  a variant of (Variant meaning type?) Multiple Sclerosis (multiple sclerosis  (MS), chronic, slowly progressive autoimmune disease in which the body’s immune system attacks the protective myelin sheaths that surround the nerve cells of the brain and spinal cord (a process called demyelination), resulting in damaged areas that are unable to transmit nerve impulses.The disease also gradually damages the nerves themselves.There are elevated numbers of lymphocytes in the cerebral spinal fluid and of T cells in the blood (see immunity).

The onset of MS is usually at age 20 to 40 years, and its many symptoms affect almost every system of the body. There may be visual difficulties, emotional disturbances, speech disorders,convulsions, paralysis or numbness of various regions of the body, bladder disturbances, and muscular weakness. The course of the disease varies greatly from person to person. In some patients, the symptoms remit and return, sometimes at frequent intervals and sometimes after several years. In others the disease progresses steadily.)

Neither of which make me want to back cookies, do they make you so inclined? I am still non curable and undeclared as of what it is that has all these symptoms and walks like a duck, I being the duck.

So for the time being  I decided the best avenue before becoming so depressed I stopped liking chocolate. It is to find God around me! YEAH!, to that notion, I have found already – He has followed me very closely the last couple days:Look at the photos and the things that just should not be their. If you have an idea…  please share!! Enjoy, I have:) In Hard times she had learned three things:

  1. She was stronger than she ever imagined
  2. Jesus was closer than she ever realized
  3. And she was loved more than she ever knew!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

So I find that when God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit places things for you to fathom, think about and question  – is that really you.  In those moments we are having an intimate conversation with our maker.

So when Peter saw it, he responded to the people: Men of Israel, why do you marvel at this? Or why look so intently at us,as though by our own power or godliness we hade made this man walk?  Acts: 3:12 NKLV

Tell hin this is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Here is the man whose name is the Branch, and he will branch out from this place and build the temple of the LORD. Zechariah 6:12

The Branch is one of the most amazing ideas in the bible – I am a branch and can reach as many people as I reach for!!

In the search for God and realizing he is with you while you put on your socks,  he is nudging me hard, I stop.

I have not been listening.

I have sinned  – and will again, for I am human and blind to the glory offered.

I am working on the nudges – I have a feeling this is a start.  “To those who know the stupid people in Sponge Bob Square Pants” – Thank you for Nudging to get off the floor! – Thank you!

I found one more scripture that feels like me please enjoy – This is excerpts from Psalm 31 –  I put myself in your hands knowing you will save me, Lord of Truth….. I dance for joy at your constant love.  You saw me suffer, you know my pain.  You let no enemy cage me, but set my feet on open ground.  Pity me Lord, I hurt all over; my eyes are swollen. My heart and body ache. Grief consumes my life, sighs fill my days; guilt saps my strength…… I said to quickly, “God has cut me off!” But you heard my cry when I prayed for help. Love the Lord, all faithful people, the Lord your guardian, who fully repays the proud. Be Strong, Be Brave, all who wait for God.   (Wow – we are Blessed beyond measure)  In the Contemporary English Version The Holy Bible PSALM 31

So I, will continue to try to be strong, brace myself wait for God.  He knows my pain, my desire to not get up. This is like admitting your worst sin – I have no wish to get up, yet I try every day, lest the lord forsake me. Rather I give up on my family.  I have lost days lately – But out of Love comes finding, understanding.  I try!

Many Blessings to be with each of you may you learn the love of passing grace on. It passed us eight times during our trip too & from – God and His wonderful creations are amazing, be amazing!

Jenn

English: Tracts of the spinal cord.
English: Tracts of the spinal cord. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

$200.00 Small Contest 5-Hour ENERGY Friend’s Mission — October 5, 2012

$200.00 Small Contest 5-Hour ENERGY Friend’s Mission

Wouldn’t it be great to take a short survey and be $200.00 better off – here is a chance.  I use a group called Smiley360 and did a 5 hour energy Drink Campaign. I received a free sample of 5 Hour energy dring with as a courtesy when I did this contest  This is an additional opportunity to get the word out and perhaps win some money – enjoy! The link is below: – Jenn Enter 4 a chance to win a $200 gift card from Smiley360 by taking this short survey http://smiley360.com/959848.cf via 5-Hour ENERGY Friend’s Mission.

 

Midnight In Jenn’s Brain — September 26, 2012

Midnight In Jenn’s Brain

EMOTION

I do not like the ability of family far away or just 30 miles to have control over all of your emotions.  Maybe that should not be true, but I live out of a Target bag and a half drank Diet coke right now. I cannot sleep because I am not a home, yet the one person who made it a home besides the eldest makes me feel more messed up as to home every time I talk, yet lets me know how far I have to go for it to really manifest itself in a positive way.  

REALITY – Please Help

When I go to New York Monday,10/1 7 days I pray the DR. and NP say I am a surgical candidate. if soI’m going bald for locks of Love.  I may not afford the trip and all the hospital and extranious items but , I can give twelve inches of my hair.  If you want to help you can donate.  I am sad right now as you can see to many emotions and not enough God.  So I am going to excuse myself and go find him. All Grammar is due to typing with one hand is hard. my fingers have no feeling — Thoracic Outlet – it hurts to sit because of the SI Joint dysfunction. My L1-S1 discs are bulged torn and have annular tears, they hurt. I have a piece if liquid in my spine that should not be their. the Syringnomyelia runs from C1-S1 and messes with all my nerves. I cannot feel my right leg. Actually i cannot feel anything from my 2nd rib to my middle thigh on both sides but I lay low.  Funny not feeling your belly button.  I’m messed up – I have a pain pump in my abdomen that drip medicine in my spine I still have to take meds. Everything hurts, I cannot sleep.  I am always Tired I fall all the time.  I get right sided headache’s that come on with a couch, or for no reason that hurt like I knife through my brain. I cannot raise my arms above my shoulders and if your touch my right armI might hurt you it hurts so much.  I am sorry – I don’t like pity – One day at a time and today all I want to do is sleep. But I have something each day until I leave so. Oh well the thought was good.

I want an electric blanket, and fun scrapbook stuff to tell my SM/CM /SD story DR. B I believe in you.  I also believe in my friends – I will raise what I need and I will make it without fear.  Amen

Blessings~Jenn

 

Book Review! Fruit of My Spirit Reforming Life in God’s Grace~ Deanna Nowadnick — September 24, 2012

Book Review! Fruit of My Spirit Reforming Life in God’s Grace~ Deanna Nowadnick

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FRUIT OF MY SPIRIT IS ONE OF THE BOOKS YOU READ AND THEN CRY FOR AWHILE, LOOK AT YOUR BIBLE FOR AWHILE, THEN REALIZE YOU HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. THIS BOOK IS A PERSONAL JOURNEY OF DEANNA’S, A RARE UNCENSORED RAW LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS THAT TAKE YOU DOWN THE THE PLACE WHERE YOU FEEL YOU CANNOT BE FORGIVEN. IT TAKES YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE PLACE GOD’S POWER LIFTS YOU UP, BEYOND FORGIVENESS BEYOND BONDAGE.

DEANNA OPENS WITH A SCRIPTURE FROM THE APOSTLE PAUL, HIS LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF GALATIA:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control.  Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23  Agape, Egkrateia, Eirene, Chara, Chrestotes, Chrestotes, Makrothumia or Hupmone, Praotes, Pistis – Then living Life in Gods grace

Deanna was reframing her Life in God‘s Grace. One by one she was using Paul letter to guide her to a place of forgiveness and peace.  Letting her readers know right away, Life is a challenge. There is no way around it Life is a challenge, accept that truth and move forward. This more than anything puts Deanna in a separate category than general Spiritual self help type writers. Deanna, doesn’t quote scripture then use life in general to explain why these are hard scriptures, she states life can be a difficult situation.

“Iv’e not only trivialised God’s love and forgiveness, but Ive missed the magnitude of His mercy that’s been shared with me over and over again.”  Wow what a statement, what a raw exposing look into the soul of a woman begging for the type of Love only the Children of our great God experience.  Without halting, tripping or slowing down she runs for the answers…..

Her vulnerable inside child, beaten and bruised by life shares life’s most dark places, fears we never would imagine realized, let alone exposed.  Vulnerable, sharing moments families keep private. Little treasures found as a family brought alive.  Mesmerizing to the reader going through all the stages of the true – THE TRUE – travel of any woman/man/child scared or hurt enough.  Searching for the feeling, real forgiveness from God.

All the while the Holy Spirit is Placing items in her path to accomplish this.  Kurt being one very large step. I have never felt the goodness of God’s everlasting Grace, Deanna experiences by exposing these truth’s.  I Feel His forgiveness through another persons story in a way like no other as I read Fruit of My Spirit.  I believe.

This book is not made for one person, orva book just to pick up because the title seems to fit the situation!

I believe this book should be read by every graduating teenager. Every single mother before childbirth.

I think this book will transcend the waters of religion and share Holy Forgiveness, Pauls’s Message to anyone who needs him, Galatians 5:22-23.

Anyone who has said, Uh, why God Why? Read Fruit of the Spirit -Understand

This book will let you cry, help you see with clearer eyes. Teach you to use your bible to make you stronger. Help you to see those around you that need a friend, a little Agape!

Thank you Deanna for letting me read and re-read your touching book.  I feel I know you and your family – this book has, will change lives.  If you do not buy this book for yourself, buy this for someone you love.  They will love you for it.

 

 

ASAP American Syringomyelia & Chiari ProjectChiari Institute — September 23, 2012

ASAP American Syringomyelia & Chiari ProjectChiari Institute

ASAP American Syringomyelia & Chiari ProjectChiari Institute

It has been a long road trying everything but Leechs(eww)

So The Chiari Institute called they want me to come up 10/01/2012 yes next Monday!! 

I am excited, apprehensive, scared, nervous, happy, elated, strong, weak, confused. They are doing a consultation for which BJ and I have to fly to New York.When we are there we are expecting to visit with a nurse practitioner followed by a Neurosurgeon.  Te Neurosurgeon will either accept me as a surgical candidate or not. The options are conservative treatment i.e. what were doing, or spinal decompression.

If I am scheduled for a spinal decompression, that will probably take place right away while I am there. That is a process where they enter at the base of your skull and take a piece of your Occipital bone, not enough that your cerebellum would fall.  If that is the plan and I pray that it is, for we have tried so much else.

So that is what is happening in the next two weeks!  A Consultation.  A long awaited Consultation.  That in itself is amazing.  We have a million thing to do before we go, kids, dog, bills, flights, pack, breathe, you know the normal things.

I hope you are all well!!! I truly do. you have been amazing!

Blessings~Jenn

Today, just getting through it little by little… — September 19, 2012

Today, just getting through it little by little…

 

I found a quote today while I was reading my bible, it really infected me, down to my soul.

“A Shimmering Quality”
“Just thinking about Eden sometimes gives me an ache in my chest. I find myself wondering about the pure and shimmering quality of life there that somehow slipped through our finger.
Just picture it. It was nothing to begin with. Nothing. And then God opened his mouth and spoke, and when he did, everything started taking shape. He used his words to make a world! He called forth forces of symmetry and beauty and great power. He laid boundaries of order and balance and proportion. With the precision of a master clockmaker he set in motion the weights and wheels of a perfect creation. And then, seeing the beauty of his own handiwork, he proclaimed with pride, “Good. Good.” And “Very good.” Light, darkness, sky, land, water, winds and tides; plants, trees, sun, moon, stars and planets. And animals flying, soaring, swimming, loping, crawling, galloping. All things in their vast array he created.
Then finally he created human beings, both male and female his shinning glory, whom he put in charge of it all. “Claire Cloninger”

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Its amazing that God in all his infinite wisdom, chose us; Male and Female to be in charge of all of creation. – “All of Creation” not just a section but rather the whole. DO you know anyone in your life who takes the responsibility in so much that it is as given with a pure heart to make sure this world we live in is “taken care of” in a manner that would be pleasing to God?

I Dont!

He also in that decision gave that responsibility to “Us” “Male and Female.” The role of working in a symbiotic relationship with the opposite sex.  Not just the opposite sex, rather the person God created for you, as he created Eve for Adam!

I Have my mate that I believe God intended for me, I don’t know that we have ever spoken to the question: what are we doing with our responsibility to keep this creation by our Heavenly father, one that is pleasing to Him. Have we listened to God? Have we Daughters and Sons of Christ, listened to to the first instructions he gave us? I think we have left that as a frightening question that we believe does not pertain to us.

This creation starting with Eden is the place we should all long to accomplish, together with our spouse, our “male and female”, feed our souls with love, take in the word and place it in the parts of our union only we can reach. He made each of us for each other he made the process of making and keeping Eden for each of us.  We read it.  We believe it, so why don’t we act. Perhaps we feel it is not for those of us. To recreate Eden in our lives, whatever that may look like to each of us.

To some of us Eden May be making it through school and helping others everyday by being a doctor who cares. Taking time to make sure that God is invited into the surgery, lab, MRI, CT, Chest Scan or radiation infusion area before starting a procedure.

To some Eden may be the words God whispers in their ear loud enough that they are able to write a novel that with the proper visibility will change lives. So many authors go through the thorns and branches of the fallen world. Only to find the place where Eden is hidden. Though when they find it, the breath and miracles that form through their words are undeniable.

Today I was given the chance to find my eden – It is partially the photo of the Married couple, for my spouse makes my life a series of blessings upon blessings. Never a moment goes by that I doubt his undying love for me. He holds me hand as I scream for something to make the fire in my leg stop, knowing it is just my neurological system and it is just a waiting game. He covers my face with a wet wash cloth when I am so cold that I know I am going to freeze to death. Have you seen anyone so loving that he helps me make my all fruit and veggie shakes so I can lose weight and help keep my muscles moving. He calls me to make sure I am up for the kids, then sneaks home my favorite chocolate and peanut butter ice cream from Basken-Robbins?

Then I thought of my Eden as the call I am waiting for, or the Church that gave me hope that they were going to come help me reboot my spiritual journey.  Or the idea of taking this five year journey and scrap-booking it in a white book with black pages. Then I remembered I took the wheelchair for an adventure three days ago, I tried to climb the driveway to send a letter.  I called out first, checking to see if there was anyone there to help me along the way. No so off i went.  I made it to a part of the grass in front of the red truck.  Five cars passed, including a black minivan all watching, the girl in the wheelchair climbing a straight up driveway with no power, a mount Everest with a tee shirt on. I had blistered my hands and although stuck, I was not giving in.  Then came the neighbor girl, she just pulled in and immediately ran over. “How can i help you”. “Please place this in the mail.” Let’s get you safe first.” “No, please just put this in the mail, I can hold on.” I did and together we made it back to the house, where I decided, that was not an adventure I would take again – guess I am not running to the store on my own anytime soon.

That was it I found my Eden, it was not given to a woman, to write a novel that changes the world, a political leader that in His own way tries to accomplish the unattainable.  It is not the research in ten different countries backed by Millions of pre-tax dollars striving to fix the energy crisis we have found our self in because we did not read.  The Bible told us how to live, to survive, to find Eden here on earth again and in doing so learn more about ourselves.  We are too Free Willed for creating what we were born to create! We had to separate everything into “theirs and ours”. We question the reality of our circumstances and then spend a lifetime creating a world that in itself will be the death of us.

I found my Eden, in my spouse, my love for life, my belief that God will find a way to create a man and a woman who will together give us the change and chance at living once again, all we have to do is take it.  I will.  Will You?

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Living Echoes

One day tells its tale to another and one night imparts knowledge to another, although they have no words or language, and their voices are not heard, their sound has gone out into all the lands, and their message to the ends of the world. -- Psalm 19:2-4

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