Cerebral – Finding a place for my thoughts and words

This is my Place to share my Heart my mind and my Life without boundries

Concord Grapes and Peaches — August 15, 2012

Concord Grapes and Peaches

We are at the height of the Peach and Grape season to name a few, fruits of all kind are available if you just find the right farm, store or friend.  I love peaches, I know this stems from my youth and the first encounter with a knife.(Another Time)  Beyond that they are a unique fruit with an array of colors reds and yellows as if in a constant state of change on the outside. The inside shares the same vibrant colors descending from a light dawn yellow through the array to a sunset crimson outlining the well guarded seed.  I think I like Peaches because I can relate to them.  I keep my outsides changing, a little more ripe, get to close a bruise appears.  If you do venture to taste the amazing wealth of flavors and expressions, it leads you to a very hard very sealed shell that within is an extremely delicate seed. God sees me there.

Or Take Concord grapes – dark unrevealing outside, then an almost crystal clear inside, like every time I believe a person or situation to change only to be stopped sometimes by my own walls. Inside you find the unbreakable small minute seeds that will cause you heartache every time, I believe God will break these for me.  I have a battle that I have struggled with my entire life.  On that has never reached the limits it has today, and I hope never drop to be to the level it reached on other end. I have been there before, it is not a place for me.  A warm nice place in the middle, a perfect ripe fruit on the verge of dropping ready now.. Daylight, no hard shells or seeds just daylight. God see me here.

The world outside is so amazing, one step and you can experience a wealth of new experiences.  My eldest is taking her first steps in college, that can be the most rewarding knowledge building time of your life, or a constant struggle to stay afloat.  For her, I pray the years surpass even my own desire for more knowledge.  I once aspired to attend seminary, not to become a beacon on a local church. I still have values in Male and Female roles, but to be inundated with the daily knowledge of the one person who understands my shell, my fragile seed, my clear transparency and why those combined makes me a target.

My God needs no name or introduction you have heard me lift praise before – today I am just exploring the thought that perhaps I don’t need to look in the mirror to define myself or hide from those who can see – but rather embrace the chance to find the answers and deal with the jack hammer damage later.

I wait for the still small voice.  I wait for God, even when I question I wait – for He and only He knows why….. So I wonder Why do I keep asking?

Blessings~ Jenn

Rebooting your life! I am Rebooting Mine:) — August 1, 2012

Rebooting your life! I am Rebooting Mine:)

I have been trying the Reboot your life for over a month now.  I can honestly say, as much as people say that smells awful of that looks grouse and they wont taste (My Family) I love it!  I call it my gruel!

BzzAgent sent me the Fat, Sick & nearly Dead campaign – where I dived into a life of eating a rainbow everyday!  I learned to think about what I ate in a different way, that the less processed food the better I felt.  I never felt better after a snickers, and I wanted to feel better, look better and be happy.  These were problems in my life I never though food could change.  Well let me tell you, when you clean out your fridge of all fruits and veggies and juice them all together, you have what is called~ The first day of the new you!  You will feel happy, energetic, heathy, and well the weight will shift to another planet as well…. Bonus!

You learn at www.jointhereboot.com that food is o be looked at differently.  You have not just a few but a community of others that are also doing the Reboot to talk to, learn from. You can exchange recipes, watch videos.  You can talk to the nutritionist as well, which I find very healthy.  You start eating smaller meals healthier meals. You become the Path to the heart of your body not filled with fat and negative cells but happy heathy ones.  Yes that means this program will release you from all your former self:)  Yeah!!

You learn about each individual food, what you can come by locally without pesticides, learn to watch IBS go away keep certain Cancers away from your daily intake Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a thing of the past.

I eat carrots, celery, two green apples, two whole lemons, chunks on ginger, three cups together of spinach, kale, collard’s and romaine. celery, lots os celery, Cinnamon, peaches when they are around, and a mixed bunch of blackberries, blueberries and raspberries.  I love this way of feeling as if I am eating heathy – And the idea of eating a rainbow is wonderful!!!

BzzAgent gave me the information and the source to get started, I have run with that!

Go Reboot your life!

Blessings ~ Jenn

Time for Change — July 29, 2012

Time for Change

Every once in a while I get the felling I have not put myself in the right position. That I am for lack of better words stuck.  This is a true reality today and I am sadly unable to configure the time-line and steps needed to make a significant change.

Regardless of the obvious changes I need to make in my life there are also some mental/physical/personal changes that need to be made.  First I need to stop thinking that sharing with my best friend everything will accomplish what I need, for they are not in my head and honestly do not have all the pieces, not for intentional holding back rather omission due to thinking they already have the information needed.  Rule one never assume.

I need to stop talking, not only is the word I have to say mundane and repetitive but the words are not coming across as they should – I have a junction between my lips and others ears that is encrypted and without a cypher.

I am getting older and with that wiser is the common notion.  I read, stay current with local and national news to an extent. I found that with small children in the home keeping my thoughts from negative information was wise.  It was a wonderful day when I learned that what we see stays with us, regardless of our decision to omit that from our thoughts.  Somewhere in our filing system of a brain that note, article, accident you tried not to look but did – the phone call you overheard can be brought back in vivid color with the tiniest sent, touch, saying etc.  therefore I do try to find less violent information to stay privy too.

I have a desire to please the people around me.  I want in an unobtainable way to make each person proud.  This notion has caused me more pain than them pleasure, so in my decision to change I am going to step back from attempting to make people proud instead to linger on the moments that make them smile, feel Joy and finding pleasure.  Storing away those precious moments, to relive again and again.

Having a child leave for college changes things. for one why is it when you make a vow to not do “ONE” thing, it seems to be the one thing you do all the time? I am going to feel a void when the college student is no longer living at home.  A place that was filled will be empty. For me this void means much more than just saying see you soon do well, but rather a very large piece of me will be going as well.  Although I don’t see eye to eye with everyone about that in my personal space (My Blog is my personal space) I will feel and express the loss.  For this is something I never envisioned happening and I am suffering inside, trying to find the courage to stay upright, calm and supportive.  If I could hand them the world I would have done it three months ago – for a promise to jump out of a plane never happened and I never wanted to break a promise.

Changes are unique – they can make a wonderful flower bloom, or they can crush a tiny ant.  The changes I am attempting to make ma seem odd or even not valuable, intelligent to some.  I feel though that the only way I am going to find God find peace and find that tiny box with the couch on it filled with the most-perfect set of independent letters on it, this has to happen.  I was not born a stoic person I was born emotional down to the very root cell of my body.  I am making a change to those cells – may the change alter them in a way each soul I touch sees the makings of a wise parent, a prolific writer, and above all a steadfast wife. 

Here is to the launching of the change 10…9…8…7…6…5….4….3…2…1

Blessings~Jenn

I am taking a step ~ I AM NOT ALONE — July 26, 2012

I am taking a step ~ I AM NOT ALONE

 

 

Treating Chiari Malformation, Syringomyelia & Related Disorders

The Chiari Institute | Chiari Malformation | SyringomyeliaThe Chiari Institute is the world’s first comprehensive, multidisciplinary center for the management of patients suffering from Chiari malformation, a rare structural condition that affects the cerebellum; syringomyelia, a chronic disease of the spinal cord; and related disorders. Established in 2001 by the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Health System, the Chiari Institute is located in a state-of-the-art facility in Great Neck, N.Y.

 

 

I went to the National Meeting for Chiari and Syringomyelia Malformation Convention. Small information – “I AM NOT ALONE” and for the first time in a long time I am scared, but i know why.  frightened, but not undeserved. Home, but not for long! wonderful doctors spoke with us, I have a chance to find a way to improve my life if only to get me on my feet again!  It is through Christ and Christ alone that my my strength has made me a person who is no longer frightened, I am going to be helped!

 

The last three and a half months have been the worst I have experienced.  Those close to me know the falling has become worse, I have my hands coming and going and my left leg is trying to go on me.  The pump is the pump, and as much as it helpful it is not helpful.  I am over the pain, the litharge, the constant not knowing why!!

 

At least after this conference that was at the mercy of my amazing family (Thank you for the Kick in the Rear) I feel as if My hubby and I can run, fly find the answers to the questions that cause more pain.

 

So we have a starting point and after that we have more people who have options they have used.  I have made friends – one that said “Your not alone”, and the wall of tears tumbled down still feel them.  Friends, some clues to answers and doctor consults.  Thank you Jesus!!!

 

Have a blessed Day!!  Glad to share my Joy with you!

 

Saturday- — July 15, 2012

Saturday-

I used to think that life was mostly green pasture with an occasional dark valley along the way, but now I realize it’s the other way around. There   of surprising Joy, but much of life is a vale of tears. Life is difficult. ” The world is painful in any case; but it was quiet unbearable if anybody gives us the idea we are meant to be liking it,” – Charles William

It is a day that makes most days seem dry – the house is coming together, my heart smiles.  My babies all three are healthy and happy.  My husband and his/my Uncle are working well and soon the things that are out of control will find themselves back where they need to be.

We are headed to the conference, with high hopes that the person we need will be there.  I know God will make a path for us.  He has been making our path a little less bumpy lately.

I took a fall in the bathroom last week and a couple earlier – I have made a pact that I will continue to get stronger and work hard at staying upright.

God gives us one life to live  – I plan to LOVE, LAUGH, and Celebrate JOY – My family my husband’s family and my close friends   – even some I have not met – make this journey amazing.  Finding the little things, for without hope …….

Loyalty – To Live life without Rose colored glasses — July 7, 2012

Loyalty – To Live life without Rose colored glasses

It is said that loyalty is one of life’s most costly qualities.  This trait Loyalty is the most humble, true, heartbreaking part of Love, in any Love.  If you are loyal to a job, you stay through the promotions that should have been yours.  You put up with bosses that treat you as is you just got off the turnip truck (no negative meant to anyone).  Loyalty is a personality trait that I believe is a Glorious gift from God. If you have it you are blessed though you can be hurt often. If you do feel loyalty as a trait in yourself that you would like and you desire to obtain it; ask God. Ask God to open you eyes to the small gestures a person makes when they are loyal to another.  You will see they never put themselves first, they let other go before them, they always let their loved ones have the first, warmest, nicest …. I have seen this is in two examples, one from my bible NIV, and the other from my life:

1) Jonathan was David‘s best friend. He depended on God and never put his personal well-being before those of who he loved. – This intense unwavering loyalty caused him great pain.

2) Loyalty to His Disciples; Jesus, did you ever notice Jesus Prayed, he prayed out loud in places of destruction, war, unnerved crowds.  Jesus prayed while touching others, encouraged others to touch join hands speak from their heart where God lives. That is Loyalty to those He paid the ultimate cost for.

2) Marriage – any marriage that has lasted the test of time, whatever time you put on that. Just watch them. Watch how they love each other in-spite of financial hardships, a death in the family, illness.  Any of these items can tear a relationship apart day by day, eroding the blessing that was growing when they gave their lives to each other. When I gave my life to my Spouse my loyalty was raw it was new as was God.  I had come back to my creator only months before and was on fire for God.  My spouse asked for nothing but my love and loyalty.  The first night we talked about taking our relationship to the next level to place bonds of love around each others finger we said one thing. Neither of us would marry if the Divorce word was on the table.  That simple act of common devotion, love strong enough to learn when we didn’t understand. After all when we married it was not just us but three;  My Spouse, myself and our Savior. That knowledge of a marriage of three let us grow – when one of us came upon a rock a wall that caused doubt. The knees were our refuge and Loyalty let us hurt, feel battered and come through stronger. More in love than before.  That loyalty is being shown in full glory right now. Regardless of my life circumstances, My Love stands by me, and I to him. There is not one side to an illness that creates major upheaval in a family, each person must find a way with the guidance of God to overcome that battle. My Spouse has to overcome the lack of his partner, the spontaneity, the laughter, running and many more things. We used to watch NCIS together every Tuesday night after the kids went to bed it was recorded. – “Date night” – A friend told me once, don’t expect your Love to change a behavior, rather pray that God can change you, so that item becomes something you no longer are bothered by, but something you learn to enjoy. – We know this is a place a learning cycle, we will be back to date night before you know it – Me the optimist.

1-2) We learn from Jonathan that to have strong courage you Must have Loyalty. When you have Loyalty in your heart and towards another person, God will always put that relationship into perspective. Like my spouse and I learning to give, Trust God with our Marriage, letting God be first, showing the way to a stronger bond. Marriage – Love of a man and a woman is a strong “Loyalty” to each other, God, the bond of Marriage itself.

I know I am Blessed, and I am blessed to know others that know this and live it out for over 25 years, sometimes 10, 7.  The length doesn’t matter if you see the  Love in the eyes of the couple. – Johnathan loved David more than himself and tat caused Him pain, I think he would have never changed. Today my spouse did one little thing that showed me how much he Loves me –  ay the Loyalty we came together with and that God flourishes never faint.

I noticed that some people think One’s love for God is not a “I Got Saved” its time to walk in the park.  I feel sad for those who are taught that Faith and a relationship with God is on their time, on their terms and that the only responsibility as a christian is to Host a dinner, show up early to church a couple of times to set something up.  Make a phone call tree and make sure to list the people who need to be prayed for, Loyalty can be there for them in the Blink of an eye – Jesus is waiting, just ask.

I learned through my bible study and a study into my marriage, Loyalty is not always an action, but rather a feeling of the heart file with God, to out others before yourself – Isn’t that what he came to say, the greatest of these is Love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love – Loyalty – God,

Amen and thank you for that today God.

In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God, He was with God in the Beginning — May 26, 2012

In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God, He was with God in the Beginning

I have never been so Humbled in my life, before this disease took ahold of me.

I knew God had a plan, I was just not sure, how I would fit into His design. During my waiting, I learned that every muscle movement and thought has the ability to be used as an instrument God uses to create another movement and thought. WOW! THen the notion that God knew, has known and does know the answer that I seek. The people I will influence and the outcome that will be related to the body I reside in.  I am excited to follow Him into this dark or perhaps very light filled Valley. For Him I am opening my heart and listening, even being still.  The way things have manifested themselves it seems He has a plan already for us( My Spouse and I) to take an adventure that may lead to a door of answers. Perhaps that journey may just give another person the strength they need to carry on. (HUMBLE_ I STEP BACK we are used every day for His Glory) I surrender again with all that I have, with my Husband. We will follow as Disciples and seek for Him Glory, Joy and Kindness. Giving back ten fold to those who have sacrificed for our hardship. The unknown we have walked through with strength, Love and Courage – For He created that road before us.  Recently I have been in awe of the people who believe in me.This is those who have never seen my face, yet lift my name to the heavens.  They go above and beyond not for their glory but for the nudge they felt and the answer they freely gave. WOW!  Bless, each and every one of you!!! From MealTrain -Perk Me Up Cards, Random stop by’s with the bible to listen to! Those who have helped with the Children, Helped with me. To those who helped  when I am not myself, I Thank you! Trips to the doctor – You know who you are!~. Being there in the Hospital, holding my hand during the spinal tap. More recently, purchasing for a cause or hitting tennis balls on the hottest day EVER.  To each of you Thank you.  I am open and will share with you, just let me know if you ever have a question.  I know I have many. Oh and thank you for the honesty in questions and directness, I felt less like a freak and more like a person who searches for the answer’s and has the most handsome sidekick!  – Below is a list of the Miracles God set forth eons ago that are coming to fruition now:

A Friend who I havent seen in almost two years said – What can I do reached out to those she knows – Love4Dove was created! ( An Amazing Tennis tournament and optional Donation if you didn’t play to help us with medical bills and doctors fees). Wow Thanks – That is a Miracle. God does miracles through everything and everyone in the hardship of Hardship 5/26 God Still made the turnout very strong! Thank you to all who weathered the weather! to Make Love4Dove a positive and Fruitful venture.  For all who played may the sun have mercy on your skin.

Families never leave your side they make a difference just being family Amen! My only Sister felt a nudge from the heavenly Father and donated her commission from her 31 Business to donate to us. Thank you! This was a hard sell – I was unable to have a party nor was up to it, so through conversation and the internet we found a great number of people who were more that happy to purchase for my benefit! – She was a vessel God used to create another Miracle and for that I am ever thankful.

For the other Miracles that remain unnamed –

God Moved, and amazing  Miracles became reality!  Again thank you to those who were nudged to buy, play tennis, donate or any combination here in.!  You as Disciples or just people made it happen. 

God moved so we may visit the conference in Virginia – perhaps find the right person! Now we have the question of fly or drive to VA.

God Moved so that we may can not worry about our little one for just a little while and that is a miracle.

Without God – and the Holy Trinity, His works through people we would be nothing, for they would not be giving back to the Glory that makes His Life Amazing – That makes people FOLLOW – the word Disciple, the longing to leave a legacy that is filled with faith.  

Blessings ~Jenn

My Current Life Reflected — April 19, 2012

My Current Life Reflected

What you decide on will be done,

and light will shine in your ways, Job 22:28-29

I made a side note in me bible the NIV version that made

all the difference to me dark to light if it were.

>  Light is shed upon the righteous.

I have seen this light and thought nothing of it

until I realized if follow My Christ, I must Pick up my

Cross and follow him.  For my life has been riddled

with darkness and it is time to bear the cross and

Follow my Master, created, christ, Abba, father     AMEN

Blessings~Jenn

Praise you in this storm – Casting Crowns — A Walk in My Current Storm with God — April 16, 2012

Praise you in this storm – Casting Crowns — A Walk in My Current Storm with God

As I walk through this storm – I Shout the words to this song, feel incomplete worship and communion with Christ when I do of I know it is not I who sings but the Holy Spirit inside of me!~ AMEN Blessings ~Jenn

 

 

Redeemed

We all can relate to the longing for a word from God, and the desire for him to take away the storms in our lives. We all know what it feels like to have our hearts torn, and to cry out to God for healing in the midst of suffering.

“A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

Some of life’s storms come upon us suddenly as was the case for the disciples in the ship. (Mark 4:37-38) We suddenly lose someone we love, we have a bitter disappointment, a crushing financial situation, or a physical illness that threatens to change our life forever or even threatens to end it.

Other storms may come…

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A day – Time to jump off the Lion’s Head — April 13, 2012

A day – Time to jump off the Lion’s Head

Regardless of the day or situation, I am still devoted to my creator and savior Jesus Christ.  I have cast out any negativity in this home in my room everywhere but he keeps trying to seeps back in. When you are most vulnerable, and I  know with Pain I am vulnerable am am i prime target I feel it. I do my best to put to God’s breastplate and helmet everyday, and pray fervently.  Right now while I share this the Ones who belong to the earthy prince (Some call Demons) be gone in the great name of JESUS CHRIST, I believe and say get out Now! Spiritual warfare is caught every where you are. But only if you stand firm to be a deciple for him. All you need is to just have your eyes open your to hear the mind to God and in prayer and petition.  choose to ask for eyes to see ears to hear and see wisdom to know God from others. You remember god has His timing and reasons for all things,so one day you will see and it will blow your mind. to bring glory to the Kingdom of Heaven, where will meet him one day.  Let it be know if the Holy Spirit gives you the eyes to see you must fight the good fight. I asked for awareness and i have been given the most beautiful and hard things anyone could ever see.                                 Again I fell  I stood  and pivoted to my wheelchair. When I sat, the gel pad slipped and I hit the group hard on my rear and right wrist than my head on the wooden glider. I was more than scared for the pain that I knew I could not get up on my own, and to proud to call 911.  My little ones were home, but scuooby doo was on so,They would check on me than Sccoby We they finally hear my call they got me an phone, I called my Husband then sister, I didn’t know what to do but let Jesus take control and I cried and, It is always better to left jesus take control.waited,.  Then My Brother-In-Law left took to help mommy about  30 min I don’t know I think I was in shock and massive pain. He husband but both of his arms and lifted me right on to the bed where I laid and didn’t move.  They had to leave.  about the time i feel like readjusting I could tell something is wrong,is it my hip tail bone, deep tissue bruise what.  The RN that came out is not a hand on nurse?? and she called my doctor they all say go to the emergency room. My last trip was 14 hours and then 45 days in the hospital .  I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow My husband id taking me.

God let the good light shine on me: Romans 15:13: 13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

I will never forget my husband quickness to get home. such love not mangy know.  I feel Blessed every time I think about him, you can see love reflecting back to you (ME)

“I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME” Phil 4:13

TO those who follow me yet remain quiet, please remember I thank you and send my love up to Him for your small devotion to walk this path with me.

Blessings~Jenn Everyone has to take the step off the Lions head This was a big leap of faith for me

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One day tells its tale to another and one night imparts knowledge to another, although they have no words or language, and their voices are not heard, their sound has gone out into all the lands, and their message to the ends of the world. -- Psalm 19:2-4

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