My Thread of Hope

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When I think about the last few months I am drawn to reflect on God‘s unwavering grace.  I have had moments of complete Joy, I have seen the way the crest of a wave  disperses on a shell filled beach, instantly changes the heart of a child from excitement to awe, unbridled wonder.  I have shared tears within my own private four walls, over the loss in a season of my life.  Knowing that regardless of the future that this season will never come again, never the same.  The next, something anew fortified, stronger, weaker… different.

Seasons of life they teach us not only the lows that we can feel, also the strength we  gain through trusting in God.  Reach inside pull out the courage, love and grace that you never knew was there.  This season has brought me through another ten amazing christian novels.  My love for the written word has grown over and over as I read new pages new authors.  I find new places in my heart that needed to grow and the words I read became the seeds.

It’s just a Season people say; you will get through it.  Trust in God with all your Heart and He will lead your path straight.  I believe this sitting here on my couch typing this blog, yet when I think about going to the kitchen to refill my coffee, or to head to the office to grab a book, I feel stranded, alone, forgotten….  It is humbling to go from running in the water with your children, to wishing you had spent the last five years buffing up your upper body strength.  Just so you could lift your inoperative body into a wheelchair, or on to a medical bed.  I cherish the nights with my spouse, walking down the hall and kissing my children goodnight or singing the song they Love to Hate to wake them in the morning.  Yet I have stumbled again, no rhyme or reason.  This time both of my legs have decided to leave on hiatus.  Upstairs is a current memory, one I want to make a reality again, now.  Yet in the midst of this stumbling, I choose to Follow, in the midst of this I choose to surrender again.  ~ Take My Life and Let It Be, All for You and for Your Glory, Take My Life and Let it Be Yours”  – (Chris TomlinThis song plays in my head like the constant rhythm of the waves urging me to never forget even if my footsteps are nothing but faint memories in the present, God in His mighty Love, in His endless calling for us to follow, is the strength within me!  I am a grain of sand in His hands of mercy.  He is not testing me to pull me farther from Him, He does not create the pain the suffering or the endless questions and longing for a reason Why??? Now Please hear me, for if I am anything I am only that because of He who has made me!  My God is standing in the Gap between my lack of strength and my earnest urge to survive, persevere and be a shinning light for someone walking in a world where darkness seems to have taken hold.

Today is a gift.  I cherish the smells, sounds and laughter I am enjoying.  The other night My Husband our youngest daughter and I had a small family movie night.  We watched The Life of Pi Wow, what a movie, book – This story of Life, Loss and the gift of believing in God who will never forget you even if you don’t understand how He could have placed you in the situation you are in. Movies that share this are a blessing in today’s society.  God shows over and over how He never abandons us and when we continue to surrender not long for ourselves to be in complete control.  God provides in His timing always in His unique marvelous ways!   – A small side note: Although the movie was rated PG be sure your child is ready for some graphic animal violence scenes before renting the 3D version. (i.e.) I give the movie **** 1/2 stars only because they had two small errors in filming (yes I catch that small stuff).  Spending time together watching a movie or eating dinner, these moments are a treasure I will hold with both hands and a full overflowing heart.

Today keeps tearing at the fabric I have knitted around my heart.  I have learned over time that trials regardless of the reasons they will help us grow are faith and bring us closer to the creator, we only have to be open to His gift.  I being human, being an emotional variety of the female gender, find that trials can make you stronger or leave you weaker.  So many times in my life I’ve been told “In this Business, In this situation, In light of these circumstances, Now that you have survived, overcome, achieved, been awarded, invited too, in today’s times : YOU NEED TO GROW A THICK SKIN”  I just want to clarify, this blog is my way of sharing a set of unforseen circumstances in my life.  Those circumstances have given me the nudges I have needed to grow and learn a multitude of things I had not known before.  I see God in the wind now, I see God in the flowers outside my window, that I planted there five years ago.  I have enjoyed watching it grow.  Today I am not able to go outside touch it, take photos of the bees burrowing inside the buds, drenching their bodies with a fine perfect layer of pollen to carry back to the hive and dropping some on many needed plants along the way.  I am able to see them through the window, I praise God for that.  I will not “Grow a Thick Skin” not any thicker that it is today.  I believe wholeheartedly that God created me this way as a perfect representation of one unique part of Him.  For we in the Glory of our imperfect selves are made in His image, by His hand.  I believe He sees our/my image as a perfect reflection, not something that needs hardening by the trials we are given, but rather to watch us bloom and carry our own pollen/knowledge to the next trial in our life, only to drop pollen, drop love, friendship, wisdom, and experiences to those around us along the way.  So I use this blog to share books that I love, items I have come across that I have found indispensable and believe that you would find indispensable as well.  I also will share some of my trials and my experiences with you.  In that, perhaps you may experience encouragement, knowledge, wonder and a growth of your own Faith.

This is my place of refuge, a place to share little pieces of life that I am unable to express any other way.  Perhaps this will shed some light – I woke this morning to my hands being so swollen that they matched my legs and feet, swollen bubbles with knobs on the end for digits.  My arms are unable to operate the wheelchair well.  I found the desire to cry almost unbearable.  It is not so much my body giving me a war I am still learning to fight, it is that my children had to see mom struggle to pack their lunch and send them off to school.  Rather than lose myself in the fear of this situation, I chose to go to the window open it wide and watch the birds gather worms, the wind rustle up the underside of the growing magnolia.  I could smell the rosemary on the breeze and when I leaned forward-looking hard I could barely see that our blueberry bushes are starting to bloom.  I watched God this morning!  Instead of surrendering to the tears over fear,  I instead surrendered myself to God’s earthly wonderland, watching it work piece by piece in perfect unison.  I’m blessed to be part of that plan, God’s plan in all it’s wonder.  The trial I am currently struggling with will teach me something I was unaware of before.  I believe I will see God’s face even clearer for the journey.  I will see a rainbow and cry my tears that God loves us, will never leave us; NEVER.  He has given me strength to share my struggles with you.  From the nudges He has sent my way recently, I have found the courage to share with you.  May my journey give you strength in your life whatever you may be walking through with God now.

Blessings, Jenn

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Happy Sunday 3.24.2013

Well after 18 months of everything under the sun, I/We made it back to church last Sunday and we are going today!  I have to say it is much-needed.  I pray I make the connections that I was unable to make last time, so that if things go south, I have a Church Family to lean on!.

The Rain on the windows was beautiful today even the birds thought it light for we watched a Bluejay and a Robin hunting for worms for at-least ten minutes.  These are the moments I savor.

God has carried my for what seems like forever – I am glad I am able to start to give back in small ways to the Kingdom, by readings, writing and sharing the Good News!  I say if it were not for the love of church in the South, I may never of heard the knocking that was happening on my door.  Its been a little over thirteen years now, Wow!  I would not trade one moment.

I have learned everything happens in perfect timing – His Timing.  I have learned that surrendering everyday brings peace beyond understanding.  I have learned that family is a word used for those you can share your love of God with!!

Off to Church I go – A little note for you – May God Bless you with the Love and Charity He has blessed my family with, and May He was their in your darkest hour.  Remember you will not see Him there until the rainbow is shinning on the other side of the valley!  Oh but such a beautiful site.  That being said I will continue to Praise Him in this storm, knowing His perfect timing is at work in my Life!

Blessings to All!

A Little peace of Heaven
A Little peace of Heaven

Tapestry of God Web for our lives

As I was reading a book last night a quote stated ” Three lone thread in a tapestry without a clue about the magnificent pattern God was weaving.” Quest for the Nail Prints a Novel – Don Furr pg 128

It just blew me away. First I believe that we are not the only lone souls, weaved into a magnificent tapestry by God.  I believe in my soul my heartbeat, in my love of life my love of faith my yearning for knowledge of God.I believe that each person that is set upon this on this earth christian or a life yet to find Christ will be weaved through and throughout His mighty tapestry. Weaved in, in a way that leads only to inevitable glory of His mighty Kingdom.  Perhaps I am still fresh in my faith and am star struck by the Love and Grace. He so freely gave, to me, to all. Especially on the cross. The thief at His side who said ” I will never see the promised land for I have sinned too much – and Jesus of Nazareth, spoke in words only a messiah on a cross dying a horrible death could say said, son for you have seen your ways were wrong and repented, tonight you will be with me in the promised land.”   Wow A small word on a death-bed and all is forgiven –

That Moment when He said you will be with me and the Father in Heaven tonight. – I believe He was not only being true, so honest it was above miraculous. Though people must understand Christ is a sounding board for forgiveness in your hour of need. Though, He is not an answer to the, I will sin all my life and use this  “Forgive Christ” as a scape goat, as a pass, as a way from the fires of Hell, into eternal peace at deaths last moment.  Repenting is a part of the spirit and comes for deep within. the thief had that repentance.  I do not believe many that choose the easy option will or do.

I say that for I have to repent each day and I am yet a mother with three amazing children and a husband who is more kind to may than the Robin is to her hatchlings in early spring.  It takes time effort and real honest, true belief and surrender to learn honest repentance.

The thought that we are part of a tapestry of Gods/Christs tapestry for the magnificent pattern He is creating makes me feel even more resolute in the forward motion of my dreams my surrender, my following my hearts leading. For in my heart I believe the Holy Spirit not only dwells buts speaks.

tomorrow I shall speak to the tapestry I think He is creating in me tonight I leave you with a question… What do you thing He is creating in you?

For we are all the vine and without each other we are …..

 

Blessings,

Jenn

 

A new book – I am starting my Quest

I received a book “Quest for the Nail Prints” by Don Furr. According to is cover;
Three ordinary people are chosen by God for an extraordinary experience, one so incredible that even they have a hard time believing it is real. Through unrelated circumstances, the three travelers find themselves sharing a journey to the Holy Land when suddenly there are thrust back in time nearly two thousand years, coming face-to-face with the rugged radical Nazarene known throughout the land as Jesus of Nazareth.

This is the story of how a personal encounter with the living Christ and his time creates the journey of a lifetime!

I have been personally changed by the way Don writes in an honest real human voice. I cannot put it down! There is a hole through the middle of the book, it has a great explanation one that you should experience yourself. Find your heart with Christ feel the sins being washed clean as the blood is spilled I for one am struck in the deepest part of my soul, this book is a testament to Faith , Hope and Love.
I hope to talk with Don and share more soon until then go get yourself s copy.
Quest for the Nail Prints

Also The Book Network The Book Network has a great group on the Quest as well as the Nails. They have amazing conversation. Don’t miss out!

Blessings to each of you – glad to be back writing again. Please check out this book and let me know what you think! Jenn

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Wanting to find the answer to a question of Fear

Christmas 2012

It has been two Christmas‘ now that I have had the pleasure of being confined to a wheelchair. Meaning it has been two years that I have not gone to Church, Slept in the same bed as my husband, ran at the park with my kids, been Jenn. Most everyone probably has seen the slow progression of me going from Jenn with a real positive attitude and Hope. To an overweight and continually gaining woman who does what is to be done and that is about it. THe monster under the bed Syringomyelia and a spinal nerve disorder that has decided to wreak havoc on my body. Then I let it decay my mind and body. I am afraid to leave my home. I am huge, in comparison to what I have been all of my life.  I’m scared of the ramifications of the medication and the longevity of this situation. Everyone wants an update.  I don’t like the question for the answer is Steady the Course.  I am not sure what I am giving back anymore and what I am giving to my children.  Sure I noticed something and sence positive things have happened with one of our children.  That’s me; I over analyse, and question everything.  I also point at a cupcake shaped like a tree and ask my husband if he would like an elephant.  My mind doesn’t want to be witty and smart, catching all the little things nobody else notices.  Sometimes because they are just things, but mostly because they are inconsequential, yet intrigued by them.  I loved being able to know the outcome of a movie.  Now I would like to know the way to sleep.  Its funny the way I Hurt at night, the pain from my body yes; but the pain from loneliness, fear, trapped, I feel so large in my body, I am cold and hot all the time. I don’t know my God anymore and for the sake of my life I need Him!  I need four things :

  1. My God – an awareness that will strengthen me. A mentor prayer partner
  2. My Husband, I need to see Joy in His eyes again – He has had So Much Two Years – I am afraid I am putting too much on Him it is not right.
  3. My Family to know how much I love them and their prayers help. Especially when my smallest one asks “are you feeling better today? can you move your foot?” He is aware and young so young, but he believe God will heal me
  4. I need my Life back – Some version I need to WALK

I have needed to write so much, this is all I can say now.  I will try to sleep for an hour before the day begins.

I am stronger than I could be and weaker than I always have been. – I don’t know what or How but if you can shine a light please aim it this way.

Jenn

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May all things come together in time

Today Jesus is smiling on us, don’t you feel it!!! May you Holiday Joy overflow into friendships, random acts of kindness and pure Love. We all need each other, lets prove our convictions.
Let us Love not in word or speech, but in truth and action. 1 John 3:18
Blessings may they flow abundant. Jenn

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Book Review Preview: Wally Armstrong – Practicing the Presence of Jesus – Expereriencne the Gift of His Friendship

I being asked to do a review on this book: practicing the presence. of Jesus. Experience the gift of His Friendship From the forward by Ken Blanchard on, something inside stirred. I found this not  a personal improvement book nor a Strong hold I will make you a believer novelette. Rather in fine form this is a well pictured piece of the vine placed on paper so those untouched by the branches will feel the power one chapter can give and as I  dive in. I find personal Experiences funny. They question you placement in a spatial relationship to an experience, they ask without words if you are knowledgeable enough to speak to that experience, finally even probe the sentiment does anyone cares about your opinion when it relates to an experience. Harsh but ever so true.

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Here is a a small taste~a quote before the contents to give you a taste of the

translucent yet vibrant review to come:

Thanks be to Thee, my Lord Jesus Christ,

for all the benefits Thou hast given me,

for all the pains and insults

which Thou hast borne for me.

O Most merciful Redeemer, Friend and Brother,

may I know Thee more clearly,

love Thee more dearly,

follow Thee more nearly,

day by day.

Amen.

-ST. RICHARD OF CHICHESTER

I hope you are as excited as I am for the upcoming review. This book has given me wise on-site, strong reproach to daily failures and triumphs. I will take great pleasure in reviewing this beautiful book.

Blessings ~Jenn