Time to get back to the basics – I was looking for God

 

When we returned from New York,  we had so much painful stress having to decide about what the results meant, to us our family.  I had to decide do I move forward or just curl up in the space between knowledge and knowledge and stay there. I like to hide their sometimes. I am getting closer to that spot as I travel down this path, if we can call traveling down this path one of healing.  I am struggling yet surviving each day.  I get up, that is a accomplishment! We my family and I are on the constant effort of searching for my prime, my fullness. Thank you!

I loved being witty. It is something that could be used to express what I am and who I am. Or it used to be. That euphemism has dwindled as, progressions of the neurological question mark  in my life has developed, more aptly grown!  I am seeking further treatment for the progression and the source.  Such as applying to a neurological study at John Hopkins.  We are on the new path as I am not a surgical candidate. I do not have Chiari and my Syringomyelia is not of a surgical nature.

The Dr. in New York after releasing the “NOT FIXABLE HERE”,   he used the terms transverse myelitis ( is a neurological disorder caused by aninflammatory process of the grey and white matter of the spinal cord, and can cause axonal demyelination.) he also used the terms:  a variant of (Variant meaning type?) Multiple Sclerosis (multiple sclerosis  (MS), chronic, slowly progressive autoimmune disease in which the body’s immune system attacks the protective myelin sheaths that surround the nerve cells of the brain and spinal cord (a process called demyelination), resulting in damaged areas that are unable to transmit nerve impulses.The disease also gradually damages the nerves themselves.There are elevated numbers of lymphocytes in the cerebral spinal fluid and of T cells in the blood (see immunity).

The onset of MS is usually at age 20 to 40 years, and its many symptoms affect almost every system of the body. There may be visual difficulties, emotional disturbances, speech disorders,convulsions, paralysis or numbness of various regions of the body, bladder disturbances, and muscular weakness. The course of the disease varies greatly from person to person. In some patients, the symptoms remit and return, sometimes at frequent intervals and sometimes after several years. In others the disease progresses steadily.)

Neither of which make me want to back cookies, do they make you so inclined? I am still non curable and undeclared as of what it is that has all these symptoms and walks like a duck, I being the duck.

So for the time being  I decided the best avenue before becoming so depressed I stopped liking chocolate. It is to find God around me! YEAH!, to that notion, I have found already – He has followed me very closely the last couple days:Look at the photos and the things that just should not be their. If you have an idea…  please share!! Enjoy, I have:) In Hard times she had learned three things:

  1. She was stronger than she ever imagined
  2. Jesus was closer than she ever realized
  3. And she was loved more than she ever knew!

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So I find that when God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit places things for you to fathom, think about and question  – is that really you.  In those moments we are having an intimate conversation with our maker.

So when Peter saw it, he responded to the people: Men of Israel, why do you marvel at this? Or why look so intently at us,as though by our own power or godliness we hade made this man walk?  Acts: 3:12 NKLV

Tell hin this is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘Here is the man whose name is the Branch, and he will branch out from this place and build the temple of the LORD. Zechariah 6:12

The Branch is one of the most amazing ideas in the bible – I am a branch and can reach as many people as I reach for!!

In the search for God and realizing he is with you while you put on your socks,  he is nudging me hard, I stop.

I have not been listening.

I have sinned  – and will again, for I am human and blind to the glory offered.

I am working on the nudges – I have a feeling this is a start.  “To those who know the stupid people in Sponge Bob Square Pants” – Thank you for Nudging to get off the floor! – Thank you!

I found one more scripture that feels like me please enjoy – This is excerpts from Psalm 31 –  I put myself in your hands knowing you will save me, Lord of Truth….. I dance for joy at your constant love.  You saw me suffer, you know my pain.  You let no enemy cage me, but set my feet on open ground.  Pity me Lord, I hurt all over; my eyes are swollen. My heart and body ache. Grief consumes my life, sighs fill my days; guilt saps my strength…… I said to quickly, “God has cut me off!” But you heard my cry when I prayed for help. Love the Lord, all faithful people, the Lord your guardian, who fully repays the proud. Be Strong, Be Brave, all who wait for God.   (Wow – we are Blessed beyond measure)  In the Contemporary English Version The Holy Bible PSALM 31

So I, will continue to try to be strong, brace myself wait for God.  He knows my pain, my desire to not get up. This is like admitting your worst sin – I have no wish to get up, yet I try every day, lest the lord forsake me. Rather I give up on my family.  I have lost days lately – But out of Love comes finding, understanding.  I try!

Many Blessings to be with each of you may you learn the love of passing grace on. It passed us eight times during our trip too & from – God and His wonderful creations are amazing, be amazing!

Jenn

English: Tracts of the spinal cord.
English: Tracts of the spinal cord. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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