1/23/2013 Today is Wednesday A Hump in our Lives, Week, Circumstance

Thinking about the world in a way that is two years in a chair, makes you realize the pain you have been hiding.  I see pictures of me so much shorter than my husband – who by the way should be Husband of the century for the things he does to a young wife.  He goes out of his way to make “Life” more able for me and is my Cheerleader all the way.  I was so stuck in the bubble that I was a burden, I never stopped to see all that he has/had done.  

Though, I know I am down and that is not healthy for creative energy.  I love to scrapbook – yet it is so hard to see photos of me standing playing, holding my children.  I have left it full of cobwebs if you will.  I want to know what is going on outside these doors, what is happening around the block.  I am heavier now than I have ever been and it scares me. I don’t look in mirrors unless it is very very important to do so.  

I realize that life is a bunch of choices, God never gives us more than we can handle.  I scream- what what am I doing to Glorify My Heavenly Father here in this chair??  Alone at home without even the inability to cross the threshold from inside to outside….  I see few people – who wants to visit someone who might be in a bought of pain when you happen by?  I missed my own birthday party last year.  People were there for me and my son, to love and be elated with us.  I was stuck in bed for almost a week.  

I did it again, I keep thinking I can blog, my heart wants to tell you of all the amazing ideas that run through my head – when I end up here knowing I am disabled, and have not gone through the grief that goes with that.  For I know every step forward has lead me two steps back.  

I Hurt, and hurting people are not fun to be around.  I am reading the bible and a few Christian novels, working on cheering up my day to day disposition.  For whatever reason I am falling short.  I try to move more when people are not here to try to loose some weight or relieve some pain and they ask me days later about a bruise, and I say, “Oh I just had a little stumble”-  Hence the acting.  My Doctors call me a rare case.  The Hospital sent me home told me to stay with the pain management until something worse happens that we may be able to do something about.

Heres to God – I have Surrendered and will daily – help me find me! Help me understand my new life.

I Pray to anyone who reads this, has an amazing relationship with God.  Is Healthy and doesn’t take that for granted.  Do all you can do.  Paint a masterpiece, build a monument for the feeling inside – Glorify Him in all you do and Sing Praise!!! 

May God find a special place in His kingdom to send an angel down to heal a hurt relationship make all the misunderstandings whole and bring new life to that part of me that cries out  ~Amen and Amen

Here’s to trying again soon – Jenn


One thought on “1/23/2013 Today is Wednesday A Hump in our Lives, Week, Circumstance

  1. Jennifer, I’m sorry I didn’t know you are going thru this…but then we are just getting to know each other thru Ginny Yttrup…. have you heard from John Hopkins? you are such a gifted writer….really gifted. you need to take all these blogs and anything else you have written and have it published. for anyone else going thru this it will be such a blessing!!!!!!! Through fb I have made such awesome friends and all have a story, a need…while we may not have the same things, we are taking the same journey. never doubt you are touching someone for Jesus….you are!!!!!!! you need to post this blog on fb so I can share it with others.. your words…oh my word…your words….. my favorite saying by Mother Theresa is: “we are all pencils in the hand of a writing God, who is sending love letters to the world.” that is what you are doing…..by sharing your experience, what you are feeling the good and the bad…you are touching lives. we need to get it out there to everyone. And hear I sit gripping because of a knee replacement that I probably shouldn’t have had 5 months ago….and therapy is not doing any good….to have a knee replacement you should have two good legs and I didn’t realize that….until after. I had polio in the other leg at 2 and at 63 I still don’t have alot of strength to help the surgery leg….and then the fibromyalgia only adds to the problem…… so you see, we have different things but thank God we are all on the same path to Him… it’s what counts, in the beginning and end, it’s the only thing that counts….it’s all about Him….He made us for Him..with all our imperfections and disabilities, He still has a plan. my email is vrush729@aol.com use it!!!!!! I’m here and I’m blown away with your testimony and your love for Him and your writing grabs my heart…..really put it all together and send it to someone…maybe even Ginny, you need a publisher. love you sweet girl….

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