Midnight In Jenn’s Brain

EMOTION

I do not like the ability of family far away or just 30 miles to have control over all of your emotions.  Maybe that should not be true, but I live out of a Target bag and a half drank Diet coke right now. I cannot sleep because I am not a home, yet the one person who made it a home besides the eldest makes me feel more messed up as to home every time I talk, yet lets me know how far I have to go for it to really manifest itself in a positive way.  

REALITY – Please Help

When I go to New York Monday,10/1 7 days I pray the DR. and NP say I am a surgical candidate. if soI’m going bald for locks of Love.  I may not afford the trip and all the hospital and extranious items but , I can give twelve inches of my hair.  If you want to help you can donate.  I am sad right now as you can see to many emotions and not enough God.  So I am going to excuse myself and go find him. All Grammar is due to typing with one hand is hard. my fingers have no feeling — Thoracic Outlet – it hurts to sit because of the SI Joint dysfunction. My L1-S1 discs are bulged torn and have annular tears, they hurt. I have a piece if liquid in my spine that should not be their. the Syringnomyelia runs from C1-S1 and messes with all my nerves. I cannot feel my right leg. Actually i cannot feel anything from my 2nd rib to my middle thigh on both sides but I lay low.  Funny not feeling your belly button.  I’m messed up – I have a pain pump in my abdomen that drip medicine in my spine I still have to take meds. Everything hurts, I cannot sleep.  I am always Tired I fall all the time.  I get right sided headache’s that come on with a couch, or for no reason that hurt like I knife through my brain. I cannot raise my arms above my shoulders and if your touch my right armI might hurt you it hurts so much.  I am sorry – I don’t like pity – One day at a time and today all I want to do is sleep. But I have something each day until I leave so. Oh well the thought was good.

I want an electric blanket, and fun scrapbook stuff to tell my SM/CM /SD story DR. B I believe in you.  I also believe in my friends – I will raise what I need and I will make it without fear.  Amen

Blessings~Jenn

 

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4 thoughts on “Midnight In Jenn’s Brain

  1. Yes, even though I have never met you, God has made you very precious to me. I feel your despair and shed tears,(not for pity but for caring). Since it’s several hours since you wrote I’m sure you found some peace in seeking God’s strength and I’ll pray for Him to be so close you can hear and feel Him. Your caregivers also need strength and love to be kind and helpful with patience. The longer it is until you are relieved the harder it is to persevere but He is faithful.

    Prayers for you, my dear. Love from Karen

    On Wed, Sep 26, 2012 at 12:53 AM, Cerebral – Finding a place for my

  2. Jenn, I’m praying for you that you will be relieved from your pain, from every kind of pain! Also praying that the details are ironed out smoothly for your trip to New York, the surgery is successful, and mostly praying that you will feel His presence so strongly that a peace that surpasses all understanding would fill you completely. God bless you! Love, Sue

  3. Jenn–So sorry you’re feeling so low–I’ve been there, too. Your reasons are better than mine ever were, but sometimes there is no explaining why we feel certain things. I pray that your trip will help you find answers and that if surgery is the thing you need, you will get it. by the way, you have BEAUTIFUL hair and someone will be blessed by that gift. You are on my mind and in my heart so often; thank you for being honest and for continuing to reach out to Jesus Christ for your needs. You are reaching others by your suffering and your response to it. But I pray your suffering will end and you will be restored to a full and active life. Love, Susan B.

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