We are at the height of the Peach and Grape season to name a few, fruits of all kind are available if you just find the right farm, store or friend. I love peaches, I know this stems from my youth and the first encounter with a knife.(Another Time) Beyond that they are a unique fruit with an array of colors reds and yellows as if in a constant state of change on the outside. The inside shares the same vibrant colors descending from a light dawn yellow through the array to a sunset crimson outlining the well guarded seed. I think I like Peaches because I can relate to them. I keep my outsides changing, a little more ripe, get to close a bruise appears. If you do venture to taste the amazing wealth of flavors and expressions, it leads you to a very hard very sealed shell that within is an extremely delicate seed. God sees me there.
Or Take Concord grapes – dark unrevealing outside, then an almost crystal clear inside, like every time I believe a person or situation to change only to be stopped sometimes by my own walls. Inside you find the unbreakable small minute seeds that will cause you heartache every time, I believe God will break these for me. I have a battle that I have struggled with my entire life. On that has never reached the limits it has today, and I hope never drop to be to the level it reached on other end. I have been there before, it is not a place for me. A warm nice place in the middle, a perfect ripe fruit on the verge of dropping ready now.. Daylight, no hard shells or seeds just daylight. God see me here.
The world outside is so amazing, one step and you can experience a wealth of new experiences. My eldest is taking her first steps in college, that can be the most rewarding knowledge building time of your life, or a constant struggle to stay afloat. For her, I pray the years surpass even my own desire for more knowledge. I once aspired to attend seminary, not to become a beacon on a local church. I still have values in Male and Female roles, but to be inundated with the daily knowledge of the one person who understands my shell, my fragile seed, my clear transparency and why those combined makes me a target.
My God needs no name or introduction you have heard me lift praise before – today I am just exploring the thought that perhaps I don’t need to look in the mirror to define myself or hide from those who can see – but rather embrace the chance to find the answers and deal with the jack hammer damage later.
I wait for the still small voice. I wait for God, even when I question I wait – for He and only He knows why….. So I wonder Why do I keep asking?