Number 1

Today was like any day it was rainy, it was sunny, it was hot and it was painful. Something has my lower back just flared up and because of that I’m just irritable, scared and I feel alone again.
I haven’t figured out how to manage the lower back pain when it shoots pain like fire and
electricity up and down my back Angala my left toes are going to sleep. That terrifies me. I have hip that’s more likethe constant bubbling of evil. It won’t stop, I can’t just rub an ointment on it and have it feel manageable,  nope tried and try that terrifies. I have all these false assumptions that tomorrow I will wake better.  Images that never leave regardless the facts.
Does that make me insane? My husband says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result- like my hope for just a gift.
I like soft things around me warm things; blankets, afghans, scarfs, pillows from a friend that has meaning. If I had a friend with time to quilt, I would ask her for a quilt with scripture, hopeful quotes a list of things that make me feel safe. Can you imagine the comfort? 
I am just lost.  My hope family loves me. Their is hope in site. I worry i won’t meat their expeactations.  I really wonder if the pain will go away. Someone questioned my pumps worth as i still have to go back for titrateions.  People who know little don’t know the words cut. Im getting there, and right now that is all The matters.  I was supposed to be sleeping but honest Jenn my hip makes me want to scream and my lower back makes me want to cry. I know my loving family will let me sleep in if i fall asleep.  I know god is working now among someone maybe even a reader, or one of my subscribers (Thank You) into doing, saying,  something that will bring me back broken but back.

Blessings To All~Jenn

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