Joy, Scream, Run, Jump, Laugh, Whisper to the leaves as you climb the old sycamore tree. Fight, Love, Dance, Twirl over and over. Drive, yes drive to the park and play on the swings…… up you rise feeling the warm air-filled with new pollen and a scent of old pine, swoosh you slam your legs back leaving your head drifting with the sky gaining altitude , finding rhythm Up…….Slam back…….Drift….,Up…….Slam back…….Drift….,Up…….Slam back…….Drift….,Up…….Slam back…….Drift….,Up…….Slam back…….Drift…. Until the tingle in your tummy reminds you that you are slightly past your prime so you wait until the swing reaches the apex of height and you jump! ~No Fear~ you land hard hearing only the ringing in your ears and the mulch landing around you.
The temporary fire that runs down my right leg even if you breath on it still is alive from the right hip on down, not that I can feel my leg, foot in any other way. I search for God in everything… I do, I am finding that I am more scared now than ever – I am secluded from things people take for granted. I am exposed to things nobody would want. The last MRI was hard staples on my spine where the catheter was inserted holding still in a small, small space for two hours. I did it great images……wait…….wait…..wait – when will we hear the doctors call, are we staring isolated on the island of no major growth and return to waiting for more pain or a miracle. Or are we about to endeavor on an adventure that will prove I really have Faith, and my family just might have me back whole.
The Pain Pump staples come out in the morning – Me Jenn with two new additions to the body God gave me. I have so much emotion that I feel like a seltzer bottle under massive pressure ready to burst at anytime. I was born with my fair share of emotions more than most. Crying has always been an outlet unto myself – the tears were taken with the disorder, the feeling not so. It is like opening up a box of cracker jacks eating and eating in expectation only to find no surprise!
I Feel Lost in a Dream of what I can do only to roll over and know that I am not their.