I repeat over and over about this passage – Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I need to keep God close, almost closer because I feel without Him I would be lost for this walk has been very bumpy. Every door that has opened, has been slammed in my face. I am so confused about what happens when all the yes’ become confused and then not right.  My life usually has its ups and downs sadly this last few years but the fact that I am limited in a way that stops the happy, the Joy the fun with my kids – This sucks!  I am yes on a box and Pray that God helps me figure this out – right now if Monday does not bring me some answers I think I will just die inside, give up.  To many doctors, to many MRI’s, to many poking, prodding, the worst appointment with a urologist I have had in my entire life.   When I get on my box it is usually a small annoyance from a brand or a manufacture.  I am here weary, lost and frightened.  I feel that nobody can ever feel what I am feeling, that I am stuck, in this bundle of chaos.

My Husband and children are the most amazing gifts in my life and give me that reason to keep moving forward regardless of the answers we get or not.  Please God help me find a way to get rid of the financial burden of the medical bills, stop running into walls and people who don’t know about the object that has grown gotten larger and is affecting me like a cancer eating away at the straight path God wants me on.  No I am not praying enough and when I do, Spiritual warfare comes running. When a husband provides for a family if his home life is stress due to pain how can that encourage and uplift?

I am ready to Rejoice. Yet I feel – Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life. Revelations 2:10  Don’t Give Up

Sleep well – Off my box